momentum

I’ve been working for two weeks straight, 5x/wk. I feel like a normal person. I still go to bed at 5AM, but I wake up at 10AM and am ready for work. I work effectively and essentially have a great time with my co-workers all while dealing with a high-stress environment. In fact, when the tempers flare and it gets challenging, I feel so very alive.

My boss comes back in town next week, and I am afraid what I will do with my free time. Aside from this blog, I waste the vast majority of my time. I think this would be the best opportunity to return to research, 2x/wk. I’ll tutor Friday – Sunday. I really want my days to be packed. 

I learn much better when I am active, out and about, rather than stagnating at home. 

61, 62

61. 5/20/12

Body

Started 5-day split. 

Bench: 135×5, 155×5, 165×4, 175×2. My bench is stalling, I will start to use a spotter for last few reps. Partial is better than nothing.

Incline Bench: 135x5x3

Dumbbell Pull-over: 40×5, 45x5x2, 50×5 superset with

Incline Dumbbell Flies: 20x5x3, 25×5

Mind

Nope. 

Spirit

Good mood all day. Alert, sharp, and calm. No meditation. 

–

62. 5/21/12

Body

Shoulder day

OHP: 85, 85, 95, 105

Arnold Press (dumbbells): 35, 40, 45, 50

Lateral, front, rear delt raises 15×3 for each type

Shoulder Shrugs: 60, 65, 70, 75

Mind

Nothing, Brain is super lazy being a meathead.

Spirit

No meditation (minor meditation on subway, but I no longer count that for the purposes of this blog). Felt combination of good, assertive, sharp, and witty today. It feels good working everyday. I feel like a regular person. Appropriating time for each need accordingly. 

–

Working and gyming has becoming a reality. I must soon bring reading into this as well. I have been getting up at 11AM, but I can do earlier. Goal is 6-8AM. 

 

updates

Updated About, Body, Mind, and Spirit pages. 

49, …, 60

49. 5/8/12

Body

DL: 185x5x2, 205×5, 225×5

Mind

MR, noticeably slower after previous night’s 2 joint hits.

Spirit

10m modified zazen before bed.

50. 5/9/12

Body

Did not lift today.

Mind

No reading.

Spirit

Did not meditate today. Felt anxious and tense. Should have stretched.

–

Realized that you will always feel depression. It’s what comes with motivation or hope leaves you. It’s a way for us to cope with un-winnable situations and to no longer waste any energy. It is the lizard brain who is afraid. The conscious brain can overcome this, with some work. Deal with it. Fight on.

51. 5/10/12

Body

No lifting.

Mind

No reading.

Spirit

Did not meditate today, but was in a supreme state of flow at work. No thought, no internet browsing, just complete involvement with each and every task automatically. It was a great feeling. Flow is something I haven’t felt since I was a kid, except for some moments in my adult life (sex).

Also had this desire to tell myself to be grateful to all that I do have.

52. 5/11/12

Woke up super late today, and didn’t do anything but watch Avengers with friends that night. It was surprisingly good – to be expected from Mr. Whedon, although not all of his work had been gold. Firefly excluding.

53. 5/12/12

Body

Bench: 155x5x2, 165×5, 175×3

Bench is stalling. May move onto 5-day split very soon to hit it from different angles. Will sacrifice mass in the process though.

Mind

No reading.

Spirit

Felt good all day.

54. 5/13/12

Body

No lifting.

Mind

No reading.

Spirit 

Felt good.

55. 5/14/12; 56. 5/15/12; 57. 5/16/12; 58. 5/17/12

Worked all day. Felt like a normal person working everyday for a few days – essentially full time. I liked it. I felt happy throughout the days as well as in peak flow. I was working with Rus too so it was fun. I had only wished I woke up earlier and got my lift in before work. Either way, this only lasts for the next 2 weeks. I should continue this momentum by going to research and tutoring after. 8-10hrs./day by 5days/wk, leaves me 5-6hrs./day to study for my MCAT as well as working during the weekend.

59. 5/18/12 

Body

No liting.

Mind

Read 6pgs. of informal logic, watched first 5 lectures on medicine at KA.

Spirit

No meditation but good times all around.

–

Got beers, smoked and watched Alien with Shur. We have interesting conversations with each other, and i twas a good time.

60. 5/19/12

Body

Planned on lifting all day today, but nap in the early evening made me miss the gym because they close early on Saturday. Fuark!

At least I managed to stretch today. Got a good stretch going too.

Mind

MR. Fucking record speed on the mental math portion. Must start tackling more difficult problems. DNB could use more work.

Spirit

10m meditation today in perfect position.

–

Started to consolidate my daily log entries into the at-a-glace calendar I made. I put an excel function that lets me put in my calorie count and protein count for that day, and it shows me the percentage I have made of my goal intake; My goal intake? 3500 calories; 250-300g protein.

Supps: 6OT, 2 omega 3 (800mg EPA; 400mg DHA), 50mg zinc, 1g Pygeum, 10mg garlic

Morning: 1600mg piracetam, 650mg choline citrate

Passive

I can’t believe people out there still haven’t discovered things like RSD. There are people out there who still go through life passively thinking that they will “meet the right person” one day. They go through school and college meeting and dating people, but then they get lonely so they beat around the bush joining “activity groups” and such under the guise of “learning an activity” but really just using it as an excuse to meet potential mates. Except, once they go to their ballroom dancing class they find that it’s full of old people and omega-male/females. They continue to go through their lives, latching on to the nearest member of the opposite (or same) gender and try to maintain that relationship for as long as possible just because they are too afraid to explore and experience all that’s out there in life. 

I understand. If anyone understands, I do. But you have to admit it’s a shitty way to live. Tiptoeing through life to knock at heaven’s doorstep. It’s fucking laughable. 

I used to hide the fact that I read about pick-up voraciously in my dorm room back in junior year. I was always smiling inside though, because once you realize how shitty and autist you are, you have no choice but to fucking build. That is the one thing you have in this world, the self-discipline and will to create your fucking life and make it what you want it to be. If you don’t like your lifestyle, you change it. It is all in your  power, and whatever isn’t in your power, you fucking smile and swallow it whole. 

I haven’t been updating as frequently, but I assure you, I have been on top of my shit. I just had to get up and make this post because I am filled with raw, sober energy. I just have to express it, and this is the only means I have at this moment. I have no doubt that I will be able to change things in the future, because I want people to realize their full potential. I can’t stomach to see people stagnate, 

If you read my blog or are at all interested in what I have to say, do one thing for me: download RSD the blueprint. Even if you aren’t interested in game or pick-up, just watch it and really let it sink it. 

The biggest realization I ever had in my life is that I do things because of the joy it gives me inside and not because of any external factor. Everything comes from deep within, and once you realize this, you realize that this is what you were like as a child. As a child you did things because they intrinsically interested you. There was no ego involved, no pretense, no expectation. You simply were as you are. The world and society rapes and mangles this. It isn’t anyone’s fault. There isn’t a cabal of interested men out there who control the media and do this to you. It’s just how people in society turn out, it’s a natural consequence of listening to social cues to survive and exist in society with making minimal waves. But you can only truly thrive if you do it genuinely. 

Close your eyes and realize that you fucking exist. You are alive. Fucking cherish this life. It is ALL you fucking have, and it is everything that can possibly be. Infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. 

unzip your pants, and FUCK the world. not like tupac, but literally FUCK the world. it’s beautiful and awesome.

/thread

43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48

43. 5/2/12

Went to work. Nothing else.

44. 5/3/12

Went to work, nothing else.

45. 5/4/12

Slept most of the day. Felt sick so started amoxicillin. Saw Avengers at 2:10 with roommates. It was actually fucking good.

46. 5/5/12

Body

HIIT running for 10m, walked last 5m. Feel great after a run. Dat natural high.

Mind

MR. I can see my performance wane as I lose focus and pay attention to my internal monologue. It’s interesting how it goes back up as I acknowledge this observance and go back to focus.

Spirit

Meditated for 10m in the subway. I felt like shit earlier today. When I wake up late, I feel like I lost so much time and everything I need to do for the day comes crashing down on me all at once. Meditating let me get outside of my thoughts and see them clearly enough for me to plan effectively.

It’s hard to meditate in my room when I need to, so I noted meditating on the subway as a failsafe. The constant motion is a good feeling. Feels like progress.

47. 5/6/12

Body

Bench: 155x5x2, 165×5, 175x1x2.

Mind

Nothing.

Spirit

Meditated 10m.

–

Had dream of me sleeping in my bed atop a building in Manhattan, with a homeless Stan Lee in the corner beside my bed telling me I can sleep more. I think the reason I stay in bed well past the morning is because I convince myself that it’s “okay”. I don’t like this dual self. This part of you that wants success, and another part that is lazy. I want one self – one that simply does.

48. 5/7/12

Body

Squat: 185x5x3, 205×5

Mind

Nothing.

Spirit

Found it really difficult to meditate today. Just couldn’t hold the position,

–

Took 2 drags of a joint tonight, and really paid attention to its effects on me. It basically slowed my perception of time, but let me have a closer look at my internal thoughts. My thoughts deviated so quickly that it was funny, and I consciously shifted my attention to what was around me. I showered slowly and methodically, and had conscious control over things that are normally reflexive and automatic. This lead to some awkward movements, but ultimately shifts in microhabits that I always wanted to change. Consciously controlling my posture for example, and consciously correcting the way I type (which was always fast, but ‘incorrect’ and limiting).

I woke up today (5/8/12) feeling revitalized and stronger. My body kept the posture up, and it is trying to fix my typing so it currently feels very awkward typing this because my fingers are trying to keep up. Dnb’s and math were also harder today, post-high, as if my brain is used to being wired differently. I also feel more tunnel vision’ed.

Overall, very interesting.

Zen and the art of human being Maintenance

Simple:

wake at 6-8

eat cereal

run HIIT

come home, shower, eat larger meal

read through non-fiction w/notes for 4-5hrs.

stretch/meditate during breaks

Once reading is over, do MR while drinking whey, casein, creatine shake.

Drink half of shake before workout, sip on it throughout the lift, and finish it immediately after workout.

Come home, eat high protein, high calorie meal asap.

Relax, take short nap (45m max) -or- stretch, meditate

play guitar, play chess

condense notes into anki cards

do a few anki sessions.

do MR again.

relax, eat more food.

meditate

bed

–

repeat.

 

This is my May plan. No need to update daily, aside from these types of posts. But this is what I will be doing for the rest of the week.

 

By June 1st, i should be able to:

Wake up at 6AM like clockwork. Fall asleep by 12–2 like clockwork. I will get through all of my non-fiction reading and learn the important concepts using anki.

My weight stats should be, ideally, : Bench 225; squat 300+, DL 300+, OHP my body weight.

June 1st is when I move into the next phase of growth, that of MCAT work. I will post about that regimen later. But it will still be simple.

 

 

 

failsafe

It’s recently occurred to me that I must employ a or several ‘failsafes’ into my program, in case motivation or mood is low. Things I can do to snap back into reality. Sometimes things are so bad, meditation at home does not cut it. 

So I jump on a subway, and meditate. Being while you are being physically transported someplace with no destination in mind. It’s a short vacation that lets you return to re-charge your batteries. 

–

This cough is eating my lungs out. I did HIIT today and it felt amazing.

dynamo

I am kicking it in high-gear to get as many things as possible done before the month is over. Starting in June, I will be doing three things: lifting, meditating, and studying for the MCAT. I want total immersion. To be living, breathing this stuff. So I will keep all else rather simple. 

Will still update.

41, 42

41. 4/30/12

Body

Nope.

Mind

I got an amazing amount of reading done last night. I feel very motivated during these days, but they are few and far between. Most days I can’t even get through the first paragraph. I’m going to be more faithful about consistency. Reading/studying for 4 hrs./day (morning, after work, etc) will allow me to get a lot done in the upcoming 4 months. I just have to take it easy and be consistent. Build microhabits.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I fell asleep while watching another TTC brain lecture. I got up and did some more research on meditation and its effects on the brain. I originally got into meditation for the spiritual aspect, so I can finally gain a modicum of control over my emotions. Now, I am focusing on the attention and performance aspect which is empirically backed up with evidence.

Did my MR, but crossword puzzles are more time-consuming so I take breaks from it throughout the day. I’m okay with this because I always work on several during my subway rides, so they get done. As long as i do the mental math and dual n-back tests everyday.

I watched the first 30m of this excellent interview with Matthieu Ricard. French biochemist turned Buddhist monk. He basically explains how there’s no “magic” associated with it. It’s just training. Training your mind just like you are training your body.

Spirit

Meditated for 10m today in correct posture. I am going to start shooting for more. The studies that I’ve read about the brain effects on long-time practitioners of meditation usually meditate for 40m, so that’s my goal for the upcoming months.

–

Felt burnt out by 18:00, so I can’t have cramming days like this one after the other for too long. I had a good time hanging out with Rus later that night, and we finished the final season of The Wire. Excellent show.

Unfortunately, I started to smoke again – out of pure boredom. It was just something to do while watching television, since it isn’t so involving an activity, and it’s perfect for study breaks. I went 2 weeks without smoking, so I’m happy about that. It can be done.

42. 5/1/12

Body

Nope.

Mind

I dedicated my day to reading/studying today as well. It’s a good way to spend my day-off’s, but I still neglect other things like lifting weights simply because I do not want to leave my apartment. Dat total immersion. Unfortunately, not being physically active and reading all day keeps my metabolism low so I don’t eat as much (really only drank milk today, and vitamin water), but at least I’m not losing too much considering I’ve been at my RMR all this time.

I felt a bit of mental burn-out today, and going back to my book reading seemed painful. I decided to read up on the research i should have been doing a fucking year ago. I somehow managed to bag a research job with the guy who discovered the gene for marfan syndrome, and they’ve published like 10 papers since I’ve been gone. Papers that I could have been on! I am such a piece of shit, because one day I just stopped going and never went back. This is some major psychological, avoidant personaality disorder bullshit.

Anyway, I started from the basics – reading the wiki articles. I learn things the way few people learn things, which is the best way (imo) but also very slow. I learn ground-up, learning every minor definition and try to gain as much of a conceptual understanding and intuition as humanly possible. I learn so much this way, but it hurts to see 6 hours pass and me not even close to the really relevant information.

I always thought of myself as an INTJ, but I may be an INTP. I have an insatiable thirst for learning, and my major MO is to increase dat brain power. It’s not about the result as much as strengthening my own knowledge, resolve, and discipline.

I loved reading about science again. It’s something I’ve spent my whole life studying, so it’s like coming back home. Such great stuff.

Did some analysis of my mental ritual. My dual N Back tests are 100% when I focus and think about nothing else, but as I begin to lose focus and think about other things the scores start to nosedive. This is natural, but I must improve my endurance and maintain focus longer. It’s a muscle you work on. Brain plasticity and all dat shit.

As for the mental math, I breeze through addition of triple digits thinking ahead and it’s the same with subtraction and division. Multiplication is a bit harder, I stall on some of the higher order problems, but I’m fine when I maintain focus.

I did my MR twice today, just because.

Installed Chessmaster again today. Haven’t touched this stuff in years. Going to start from the ground-up with Josh Waitzkin’s academy.

Started listening to TTC’s lectures on the Understanding of Great Music. I’ve listened to a lot of lectures from this company, and they’re all high quality, but this guy – Prof. Robert Greenberg is funny, an incredible speaker, and the language he uses is nuanced and so enjoyable.

Spirit

Meditated 15m today in correct posture (that being sitting on bent pillow, with knees elevated above hips), kept back erect (which was so hard to do when i started). However, thoughts still whiz through my head. They aren’t as negative or worrisome as they used to be; they’re more like “I’d like to add this activity to my list, or I need to get this errand done, etc. I know it’s impossible to stop these thoughts, so all you can do is accept them and return to focusing on your breath.

I’m going to start increasing the time I spend meditating. 40minutes is my goal for this summer.

–

Overall, I’m very pleased with how much work I got done today. However, it was too one-sided and thus, unsustainable. I have to accomplish goals in all categories for a balanced, sustainable life.

I’d like to start tomorrow, but as I have work in a few hours, I will be sleepy and rationalize not doing any work. Guess I’ll have to drink coffee.

My ideal routine:

wake at 6-8, meditate for 15m,

eat cereal, 15m of HIIT (running in the park near my apt.)

shower, MR, read 10-15 pgs. of something from my book list

Lift

Work or Research

Lift after (if I don’t make it in time before work or research)

Get to the library, and get more reading done 10-15 pgs. of something from my booklist (too hard to get work done at home, though still possible.)

Come home feeling satisfied from having a productive day, relax by myself or with roommates

Bed by 12-2am latest

repeat.

–

if only I can make this schedule stick,  I’d be able to get so much work done. I can dedicate my weekends to more reading/studying, and I should be ready for the MCAT by august or september. Once finishing that, a large weight will be lifted from my shoulders, and I can do anything really.

Finally, something to look forward to. Something to train for. Concrete goal that is measurable. The reason why i started this blog, and the reason why I’ve been doing this public or private for years. It’s the shit.